Not much has happened on the Trickhart’s remodel in the last two weeks so I have decided to take this opportunity to address a few of the thousands of fan letters I have received since starting this blog. I will return to writing on the progress of the Trickhart’s construction once the contractor receives a check, drawn on an account with sufficient funds, and returns to work.
Dear Chaz:
My family, friends, co-workers and I have been following your blog since its inception. We find your observations uniquely inspired and your insights amazingly relevant. Our neighborhood has even started “Monolith Mondays” were we all meet at the local coffee shop to discuss your weekly entries. We then attempt to resolve our own neighborhood conflicts by asking, “WWCD – What would Chaz do?”
We were wondering if you would attend one of our meetings so we could meet you in person and have you read your blog to us?
- Simply Awed in Ahwatukee
What a wonderful letter. Thank you for following my blog.
I regret that I would not be available to attend one of your meetings. But keep looking, I am sure you will find someone in your neighborhood who can read.
Dear Chaz:
How can you routinely write such horrible things about your neighbors, Farrah and Nobert Trickhart? They can’t possibly be as bad as you claim.
Isn’t there anything you can write about them that will give your readers a more balance view of these people?
- Sarah and Robert of Pheenicks
Oh, of course there is!
"Farrah and Nobert of Phoenix" are he most “genuine” people I have ever met.
Dear Chaz:
My family, friends, co-workers and I have been following your blog since its inception. We find your observations uniquely inspired and your insights amazingly relevant. Our neighborhood has even started “Monolith Mondays” were we all meet at the local coffee shop to discuss your weekly entries. We then attempt to resolve our own neighborhood conflicts by asking, “WWCD – What would Chaz do?”
We were wondering if you would attend one of our meetings so we could meet you in person and have you read your blog to us?
- Simply Awed in Ahwatukee
What a wonderful letter. Thank you for following my blog.
I regret that I would not be available to attend one of your meetings. But keep looking, I am sure you will find someone in your neighborhood who can read.
Dear Chaz:
How can you routinely write such horrible things about your neighbors, Farrah and Nobert Trickhart? They can’t possibly be as bad as you claim.
Isn’t there anything you can write about them that will give your readers a more balance view of these people?
- Sarah and Robert of Pheenicks
Oh, of course there is!
"Farrah and Nobert of Phoenix" are he most “genuine” people I have ever met.
How is that (imposter alert) “Sarah and Robert of Pheenicks”?
Dear Chaz:
I am the president of our neighborhood association and wanted to let you know how much I and the other board members enjoy reading your blog. We were hoping you could give us some advice.
How do you handle living next door to neighbors who drink to excess and have nightly brawls?
- Martha in Hyannis Port
Typically I just excuse myself and return home before the cops arrive. That won’t work for you since I am guessing from your location that you probably live next to the Kennedy compound where the police practically moonlight as bartenders.
Your best bet is to wait until the occupants have knocked back a few, then leverage their inebriation to convince them it’s an election year and that you are a reporter from Fox News. That should keep their little raucous caucus from getting out of control.
Dear Chaz:
Dear Chaz:
I am the president of our neighborhood association and wanted to let you know how much I and the other board members enjoy reading your blog. We were hoping you could give us some advice.
How do you handle living next door to neighbors who drink to excess and have nightly brawls?
- Martha in Hyannis Port
Typically I just excuse myself and return home before the cops arrive. That won’t work for you since I am guessing from your location that you probably live next to the Kennedy compound where the police practically moonlight as bartenders.
Your best bet is to wait until the occupants have knocked back a few, then leverage their inebriation to convince them it’s an election year and that you are a reporter from Fox News. That should keep their little raucous caucus from getting out of control.
Dear Chaz:
A friend asked my daughter to be the flower girl in her wedding. After the bridal shower the maid of honor approached me and asked me to settle up on my daughter’s $85 portion of the shower. I was shocked. I have never heard of 4 year old girl being aked to pay for a bridal shower. I told her I would do what I could but I had not budgeted for this expense.
What should I do?
- Tightwad in Toledo
Oh for Christ's sake, how the hell should I know?
When your 4 year old son is asked to pay for his share of a stripper at a stag party get back to me.
Dear Chaz:
I am over 40, never married, and have not dated much. I am shy, plain, overweight, my ankles swell, my teeth are large, and I have hairy mole on my upper lip that obscures my breathing when I eat. I have been seeing a man who has also never been married. Last week he proposed, marriage, to me. I don’t really even like him but he is strong enough to lift me and pampers me like a queen.
What should I do?
- Tightwad in Toledo
Oh for Christ's sake, how the hell should I know?
When your 4 year old son is asked to pay for his share of a stripper at a stag party get back to me.
Dear Chaz:
I am over 40, never married, and have not dated much. I am shy, plain, overweight, my ankles swell, my teeth are large, and I have hairy mole on my upper lip that obscures my breathing when I eat. I have been seeing a man who has also never been married. Last week he proposed, marriage, to me. I don’t really even like him but he is strong enough to lift me and pampers me like a queen.
Should I settle and marry him before changes his mind, or wait for a Prince Charming to arrive and sweep me off my feet?
- Lonely in Atlanta
Without knowing your gender there are two possible answers to your dilemma.
If you are a man and this guy is treating you like a queen you may want to reconsider your wardrobe - unless you are a “Queen” and then full disclosure is the only way to go. You’ll be able to hide your wobbly bits for only so long - it’s better to get them “out in the open” sooner than later.
If you are a woman I still say, “Grab him!” Even if Prince Charming did arrive and could lift you without throwing his back out - your self description makes me believe he would take one look at you, pop out his own eyes with a melon baller and stumble back into the forest to live in hole like the unabomber.
Don’t waste another moment – grab this frog now. And never, under any circumstance, allow him to schedule an appointment with an optometrist.
- Lonely in Atlanta
Without knowing your gender there are two possible answers to your dilemma.
If you are a man and this guy is treating you like a queen you may want to reconsider your wardrobe - unless you are a “Queen” and then full disclosure is the only way to go. You’ll be able to hide your wobbly bits for only so long - it’s better to get them “out in the open” sooner than later.
If you are a woman I still say, “Grab him!” Even if Prince Charming did arrive and could lift you without throwing his back out - your self description makes me believe he would take one look at you, pop out his own eyes with a melon baller and stumble back into the forest to live in hole like the unabomber.
Don’t waste another moment – grab this frog now. And never, under any circumstance, allow him to schedule an appointment with an optometrist.
Wow! How quickly that devolved into a "Dear Abby" session. I guess people are just really desperate for good advice these days. I just have to say, when you are going through as much hardship as I am with my insensitive neighbors, it really feels good to reach out to others and help them in some small way - like I have today.
Well, that about wraps it up for this installment.
Thanks everyone for reading my blog.
- C Smith
- C Smith
Was wondering where you've been. Excellent advice. ;)
ReplyDelete